Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is the undisputed queen of the Mary Sues and the heroine of the infamous My Immortal, the worst fanfic ever written. The fanfic is so bad that it’s good and is one of the most popular stories on the internet. It is still debated to this day whether the author was a troll or not and since its publication in 2006 many tributes, copy cat writers, rewrites and hoaxs have been spawned from it.

Bio
Name: Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

Age: 17

Sex: 'Female

Species: Vampire (but has straight teeth)

Appearance: She has ebony black hair (hence where she got her name from) with Purple highlights and red tips that reaches her midriff. She has Icy blue tears and many people have told her she looks like Amy Lee .She has pale skin and has straight white teeth (despite being a vampire). She ALWAYS wears black, leather, fishnets or anything from Hot Topic. Several paragraphs(even chapters) are devoted to describing her appearance.

Relationships: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Snape, Lupin, Hagrid, Voldemort, Any male she comes into contact with...

My Immortal plot:
We are introduced to our heroine on a rainy and snowy day. We discover she has is a beautiful American seventeen year old goth vampire witch attending Hogwarts. As she is walking through Hogwarts she bumps into the “Goffik” Draco Malfoy, the boy she is in love with. They say their hellos before Ebony is called away by her friends.

The next day she wakes up and gets out her coffin, drinks some blood and puts on a leather dress, boots, fishnets, ect. Here we are introduced to Willow (the author’s best friend and editor Raven). The girls discuss Ebony’s love of Draco Malfoy as they make their way to the Great hall. Once again Ebony bumps into the gothic and sexy Draco Malfoy. He invites her to a Good Charlottle gig in Hogsmeade. She eagerly accepts as Good Charlotte are her second favourite (After My Chemical Romance).

On the night of the gig, Ebony gets dressed up, slits her wrists (because she’s depressed), reads a depressing book and listens to good charlotte while she waits for Draco. She meets him outside besides his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate 666). He’s wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner. They get in the car and drive to the gig while smoking cigarettes and drugs and listening to Marilyn Manson. They arrive at the gig and mosh. Ebony comments that Joel madden is sexy and Draco is disheartened. Ebony exclaims that Draco is hotter and that she hates Hillary Duff. The rest of the night goes well and they have a few drinks before driving to the Forbidden forest. They start to make-out passionately before “he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time”. However they are interrupted by Dumbledore, who yells the infamous line; “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

The shamed couple are taken to Dumbledore’s office and confronted by Snape and McGonagall who scorn them (“You ludacris fools” “you mediocre dunces”). But Draco declares his love for Ebony and the couple are dismissed. They part to go to their own rooms and as Ebony prepares for bed, Draco serenades her by singing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte.

The next day Ebony decides to have breakfast (Count Chocula and blood) in the Great Hall. While she is eating in the hall a Stanger bumps into her, causing her to spill blood on her clothes. Outraged she confronts the Stanger and is taken back by his gothic hotness. He had red and black hair, red eyes, eyeliner and lipstick. It was Harry “vampire” Potter. He quickly apologises and the two begin to talk until Draco takes Ebony away for a surprise. They go up into Draco’s room and have sex. While having sex Ebony sees a gothic black heart tattoo on Draco’s arm. On it, it reads; Vampire. Ebony shoves Draco away, immediately thinking that he is cheating on her, she goes into a rage and flees. She marches into professor Snape’s classroom, followed by a naked Draco, and confronts Vampire.

Draco pleads with Ebony that she’s mistaken. She looks away from Him and looks at Bloody Mary (Hermione) who is a vampire Satanist orphaned goth. Ebony loudly declares that Draco has cheated on her with Vampire. We then learn that Vampire, Ebony and Draco are all bi and that Draco had in the past been romantically to Vampire. But that was over now. Ebony refuses to believe this and runs away to the tree where she lost her virginity.

Ebony starts to cry when she reaches the tree. Suddenly Voldemort appears and gives Ebony a gun and an ultimatum; kill Vampire or Draco would be killed. Voldemort also is a Muslim, transvestite, speaks in Elizabethan and has a “dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face”. He disappears on his broom and Draco finds Ebony. They forgive each other and make-out all the way back into the castle.

Despite mending things with Draco, Ebony is frightened of Voldemort’s threat. She’s so distracted; she can hardly concentrate when she is rehearsing with her band Bloody Gothic Rose 666 (A mixture of Good Charlotte, My chemical Romance and Slipknot) in which she’s the lead singer and guitarist. Other band mates include: Bloody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Diabolo (Ron) and Hagrid. Vampire and Draco are too depressed to rehearse so the rest of the band write songs. Ebony confines in Bloody Mary but Draco suddenly appears to scream abuse at Bloody Mary. Ebony and Draco cry and Draco runs away. An hour later, I very angry Dumbledore appears with news that Draco has committed Suicide. Ebony distressed, runs away in a flood of tears and locks herself in a bathroom. She runs herself a bath and tries to commit suicide but cannot do it. She gets out the bath and screams. Snape and Lupin are at the bathroom window on their brooms, masturbating and filming her as she dresses. Vampire runs in and shoots them with his wand while Ebony shoots them with Voldemort’s gun. Dumbledore runs in with news for Ebony but is distracted by the bleeding teachers; Hagird then appears and declares that he is a Satanist. He then sings a gothic cover version of a 50 Cent song and declares his love for Ebony.

The author then claims that it was Cedric and not Hagrid. Ebony in the middle of the scene decides to slit her wrist with Draco’s knife. She is stopped when Vampire’s scar starts to hurt and he has a vision; Voldemort has Draco in bondage at his lair. Ebony is then taken to the school hospital along with Hagrid, Snape and Lupin. They would then be sent to St Mangos because they were paedophiles. Hagrid comes to visit Ebony and gives her a some pink roses, which she rejects because they are preppy pink. Hagird insists that they aren’t roses and casts a spell (etulus merengo mi kremicli romacio imo noto okayo!) turning them into a big black flame. Dumbledore appears and gives Ebony advice which angers Hagrid.

Ebony returns to her room, slits her wrists, drinks the blood and goes to some classes. She goes to the “in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures” where Vampire is sucking on some Hufflepuff, because he was depressed about Draco. She starts to talk to vampire but then they jumped on each other and started to screw. Ebony shoves Vampire away reminding him of her love for Draco and runs away. Vampire starts to scream and has a vision; Voldemort has Draco in Bondage (we already know this). Vampire and Ebony run to find Dumbledore, looking for help. Dumbledore cruelly refuses to help rescue Draco because he misbelieved with Ebony before walking away. Vampire starts to cry before thinking of an idea and transporting them to Voldemort’s lair. When they arrive they see Rat tail (who now is gothic and called snake tail) torturing Draco. Ebony starts to shoot at him when he falls to his knees and declares his love for Ebony and asks to have sex with her. Ebony laughs at him before stabbing him in the heart. Voldemort returns in high heels and Ebony, Draco and Vampire flee on their My Chemical Romance brooms. When they return Ebony breaks down into tears asking; “Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?”. Draco tries to comfort her but she runs away. Draco chases her but she turns on him telling him he might as well have sex with Vampire. She locks herself in her room, weeps, slits her wrist and drinks the blood, she then dresses for class. She sits in class turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. The guitar then turns into Draco. Draco tells Ebony about his inner most feelings and undying love for her before singing “The Chronicles of Life and Death” (His voice was described as a sexy mix of Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson). She then gives the preps the middle finger and kisses Draco. Lupin yells for them to stop but is drowned out by all the cheering and clapping. Everyone thinks they are so sexy together. Ebony then glances at a poster advertising a My Chemical Romance gig in Hogsmeade that night, Ebony and Draco decide to go together.

They run happily together to the same venue where Good Charlotte played. My Chemical Romance was playing “Helena” when they arrive. Both of them find Gerard Way sexy and Draco gets an erection. They moshed then French kissed then stage dived. Suddenly Gerard and the band take off their masks to reveal that they are actually Voldemort and the Deathdealers. Apparently this was a vision and has not happened yet?

Ebony, who has just seen the My Chemical Romance poster, refuses to go with Draco. He begs and falls to his knees singing “The World is Black”. She then agrees to go to the gig and they French kissed for a while before she goes up to her room. Bloody Mary welcomes Ebony by speaking in Japanese (which she is fluent in). They decide to watch a depressing movie like ''the Nightmare before Christmas. ''We then learn what happened to Willow (The Author’s best friend raven who had a fight). Willow got skipped math, failed her classes, got expelled, was murdered by Bloody Mary and her corpses was screwed by Lupin who is a paedophile and is into necrophilia.

Ebony invites Bloody Mary to The My Chemical Romance gig and they decide to go shopping. They are told about some goth shops in Hogsmeade by the now Gothic Dumbledore. But he’s just a poser. The go to a goth shop owned by Tom Riddle (not Voldemort) who think Ebony is so hot he gives her dresses for free. He asks if Ebony will be at the gig but she calls him a sick perv and leaves. She bumps into Hagrid and he tells her to return to Hogwarts immediately. Ebony tells Hagrid to fuck off and he storms off angrily. Tom Riddle agrees to do Ebony’s hair and make-up for the gig since he is bisexual. Willow (They made up so Willow isn’t dead anymore) appears and asks if Ebony is going with Draco to the gig and says that she’s going with Diabolo. The boys appear looking as sexy as Ebony and Willow. Bloody Mary turns up with Dracola (neville) and the group all go to the gig.

The group arrive at the gig which was the same venue as Good Charlotte and mosh to “ Helena”. Gerard and the band take off their masks to reveal that they are actually Voldemort and the Deathdealers. Voldemort yells that Ebony has failed to kill Vampire and he will kill Draco. Voldemort pulls out his knife, but a gothic old man with an Avril Lavigne cloak on flies in on a broom and shoots him with his wand. Voldemort runs away and we learn that the old man was Dumbledore.

Ebony and friends return to Hogwarts and she and Draco have sex to a Linkin Park song. The next day the group of friends meet in the Great Hall. Dumbledore has redecorated the castle all gothic because he’s a poser. The group discuss sexy men when Dumbledore approaches them and tells them to call him Albert before leaving. Ebony is angry but snuggles with Draco, making Vampire cry blood from jealousy.

Ebony and Draco return to the Sytherine common room but Draco is distant. When Ebony asks what’s the matter but Draco starts to cry and exclaims that no one understands him. Ebony is offended by this comment and locks herself in the bathroom. She sobs and sobs before smoking pot. Hagrid bursts into the bathroom followed by Dumbledore. Dumbledore asks what she is where to the rescheduled My Chemical Romance gig and tells her Draco has a surprise.

Ebony is impatient all day to hear about the surprised and about the gig. While waiting, she slits her wrists while moshing to “thanks for the venom” in her bedroom. Lupin comes in and asks for some condoms. Ebony makes a sarcastic comment and Lupin goes away. Once ready, Ebony makes her way down to the Great hall. Shocked, she sees Lupin and Snape having sex while the house elf Dobby watches. For revenge, Ebony films them having sex. Furious they chase her but trip over her wand. Ebony runs outside and sees Vampire. They go to the My Chemical Romance gig in his black flying car. Once they arrive the start making out and moshing to “Helena”. Ebony hears someone crying and turns to see Draco weeping in the corner.

When the gigs is over Vampire and Ebony return to the school. She sees that Draco is sitting alone in the common room still crying. She tries to talk to him but he shuns her. Ebony goes to Vampire for advice to make Draco feel better but is worried that Vampire will steal Draco from her. As they go to see Draco they hear footsteps and go under the invisibility cloak. Mr Flitch comes to check the hallways with his gothic cat Filth. Vampire yells abuse at him and French kisses Ebony, Flitch pulls the cloak over as he does so and they flee. As they run away they see Draco burst into tears, slit his wrist and run out the school. Ebony chases after Draco and comforts him. They make out and go watch a movie together before Ebony has a vision. The minister of magic has arrived at the school. The next day Ebony wakes up from her coffin to see Bloody Mary, Willow Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracola and the new Goths Crab and Goyle. Something is wrong at Hogwarts and they all get dressed and hurry down to the hall. Dumbledore, Cornelius Fudge and Doris Umbrage are already in the hall. They want to close the school because Voldemort wants to kill the students. But Dumbledore tells them that they cannot close the school for there is only one that can kill Voldemort; Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way.

After this declaration the students are all summoned to the Great Hall. Vampire and Draco start to fight over who gets to sit besides Ebony before they started to punch and kick each other. Voldemort then flies in on his broom. He tells Ebony that she must kill Vampire or he will kill her, Vampire and Draco. She begs with him but he flies away. Ebony starts to cry and then has a vision; She sees Voldemort killing Draco while he slits his wrist. Vampire and Draco try to comfort her but she thinks that she will become possessed. Bloody Mary suggests she goes to see the goth teacher Professor Sinister (Professor Trelawney) and they all agree. Professor Sinster is a cool goth teacher that all the students love. When Ebony and her friends arrive, Professor Sinster sends her students away except the preps who she punishes. She gives Ebony a crystal ball to look into when Draco arrives and Professor Sinister leaves. Ebony goes to him, ignoring Vampire. Draco leads Ebony to his car and they take heroine before parking in a tree to listen to My Chemical Romance. They have sex until Ebony passes out. She dreams of a black man shooting two gothic guys. Ebony wakes up crying and tells Draco to call Vampire on his black Linkin Park phone. Ebony reveals to them that the men that were shot in the dream where Sirius Black and Lucian Malfoy. The three of them go to Dumbledore, hoping that he will help them. Draco and Vampire are crying but Dumbledore doesn’t believe them and thinks Ebony is mad. Ebony gets very angry at Dumbledore and in fear offers his help. They send out a search party and a few moments later they find Sirius and Lucian. Ebony and Draco got to the hospital, making-out while they wait for their arrival while Vampire slits his wrists. Professor Sinister arrives with Sirius and Lucian on stretchers. Everyone thanked Ebony that she had saved them and crowed around the injured men. Professor Sinister leads Ebony away and tells her what she must do about Voldemort. Ebony must go back in time and seduce Voldemort, stopping him from ever becoming evil or killing him. Ebony sadly agrees knowing she must do it. She, Draco and Vampire sneak outside under the invisibility cloak to have a talk. They go to a black gothic room and Ebony tells them what she must do. Draco cries and Vampire hugs him but is reassured when Ebony tells him that they are still going to be boyfriend and girlfriend. They French kiss and Vampire looks at them longingly before they move into a coffin and have sex. Vampire films them as they do so. They are then interrupted by Snape and McGonagall and are taken away to a stone room filled with tools. Draco, Vampire and Ebony start to cry. Snape and Vampire take out their guns and shot at each other but run out of bullets before injuring each other. McGonagall chains the students up and gives them to Snape who whips the students. He then surrounds Draco with stones and pulls down his pants to reveal a Dark Mark tattoo on his penis (he must have a huge dick). Snap grabs a knife and tells Ebony she must stab vampire or he’ll rape Draco. He prays to Voldemort, whips the students and undresses Draco before Ebony finds her wand and does a spell. Snape then runs around the room screaming while Ebony text Sirius. Sirius, Lucian and Professor Sinister arrive and free the students.

Sirius interrogates Snape while professor Sinister takes Ebony away. Ebony’s friends gather around her and wish her well before she took the time turner and travelled back in time to seduce Voldemort. She arrives in front of the school and meets hot goth guy Tom Satan Bombodil, they talk about Hot Topic and Greenday (who have a gig in Hogsmeade). They continue to talking until Ebony is sucked into a hole in the ground and is brought into the present. Dumbledore and Professor Sinister are surprised to see her and Sinister confesses her drinking problem. Ebony agrees to help her before seeing Draco. They talk about Tom Satan before making-out. Ebony inquires about what happened to Snape and is shown Sirius stabbing him and Lupin. Ebony and Draco drink some of Snape’s blood before having sex. The next day Sirius takes Ebony to Professor Sinister. She is transported back into the past and finds herself in the great hall and is sitting next to Satan. He invites are to a Marilyn Manson gig and to go see the Exorcist. She agrees and follows Satan to the common room there she meets the young and gothic ; Lucian, Sirius, James Potter and Snape. Lucian explains that they have a goth band and are supporting Marilyn Manson. However their leader singer committed suicide and now Ebony must replace her. Ebony impressed the band and decides to go outside for some air. She runs into Marty Mcfly (oh god...) and he takes her *sigh*....Back to the Future.

Ebony returns back to Professor Sinister’s room and sees Bloody Mary, Draco and Vampire. Sinister suggests a group cutting session but Ebony protests that she must get an outfit for the Manson gig. Vampire also suggests that she gets some love potion to seduce Tom Satan. They go to potions class, which is now being taught but Cornelius Fudge. The Goths ignore him and drink blood and beer and notice that Hagrid is hiding in the cupboard. They notice that Hagrid has been spiking their drinks so Vampire and Draco beat him up sexily before chaining him to the floor. They return to professor Sinsiter’s room. Tom Riddle is there and he’s brought Ebony some new clothes for the gig. They noticed that Professor Sinister isn’t there and that she’s been arrested for being too gothic. Dumbledore bursts in and Ebony jumps in Mcfly’s car and travels back to the past.

After a brief encounter with Professor Slughorn, Ebony makes her way to the common room where the band is rehearsing. Ebony wishes them good luck and goes with Satan to his car. They go for a drive. They smoke pot and talk about their love of sadism before they go to the cinema and watch the Exorcist. Well learn here that Satan is Voldemort. They start undressing each other and make-out. A woman tells them off but Ebony sucks her blood and the audience cheers because they are so hot together. They drive away to the Marilyn Manson gig and mosh on arrival. Manson stops singing and introduces Ebony’s new band. Ebony sings “I’m not okay” and everyone claps and Satan gets an erection. Lucian then started to play the wrong song and a fight breaks out on stage. James then takes out his knife. James then tries to shoot Lucian when Ebony jumps sexily in the way. Then everything went black.

The story was “hacked into” from this point on.

Satan tries to comfort Ebony as she slowly dies on the floor. Bloody Mary appears and quickly asks for some healers and Ebony’s friends. But it’s too late; Ebony bursts into flames leaving only a pile of ashes on the floor. A light momentarily blinds everyone and when their sight returns they see that they are no longer Goths. The audience cheers thankful that they have been freed from the gothness. However since they returned to the cannon, all the characters that should be dead were now dead again and Harry and Voldemort start duelling again. Also Hermione and Draco run off and get Married.

Ebony sheds a single tear as she descends into hell. She then releases that she’s dressed like a prep and desperately tries to take off the preppy clothes. She slits her wrists and yells. The “hacker” then decides that they will publish the chapters that the author had intended.

Ebony woke up in the nurse’s office and sees that Hagrid is in a coma after Draco and Vampire’s beating. Voldemort then approaches and reminds Ebony she has not killed Vampire yet before breaking down into tears. Bloody Mary, Lucian, Sirius, Vampire and professor Sinister come to visit Ebony and Voldemort leaves. Ebony asks where Draco is and she, Willow, Bloody Mary and Vampire go to see him. The group discuss what they will do to celebrate ebony’s heath when they walk into the common room. They all gasp. Snape is having sex with Draco. Draco tires to plea with Ebony but she slits her wrists and everything goes black. Then she repeats this chapter.

Ebony wakes up in a gothic nurse’s office to that she’s back in the 80s and sees Satan. They talk about if everyone is ok and smoke a cigarette. Ebony then sees a sexy blonde bi goth guy named Hedwig. Ebony flirts with Hedwig but he leaves for class and Satan reveals that he used to be his boyfriend. Ebony hatches an ingenuous plan and takes Hedwig and Satan to the Great hall. She will get them back together so that Satan won’t turn evil and she won’t have to have sex with him. The rest of the band are already there and Ebony commands that Satan and Hedwig start to make-out while she films them. They comply and start to undress each other but Dumbledore marches in.

They sit depressed in Dumbledore’s office. He taunts them but Ebony suddenly starts to realise her Ipod is turning into the Delorean. Ebony tells everyone to jump in but only Satan follows. They arrive in the future in the common room. Ginny, Willow, Diabolo and bloody Mary welcome her back and met Satan. Satan falls asleep due to the excitement and Ebony goes outside to see professor Sinister. She asks how Snape got out of jail and Sinister explains that a prep called Britney freed him and all the paedophiles and they are now free and in the school. Sinister tells Ebony to stay in the room and lock the door but Ebony must find Draco. Bravely and sexily, Ebony searches the school for Draco. She sees Britney laughing. Ebony cast a torturing spell on her and gives her the middle finger. She reaches the Great Hall and hugs Vampire. They agree, despite the fact that Draco has betrayed them, to find Draco. The room grows dark and they see the Dark Mark, signalling the arrival of Voldemort. They decide to spilt up and Ebony goes to check the Great hall. Draco is there. He is upset and they smoke pot. Ebony asks why he cheated with Snape but they are interrupted by Lupin and Flitch. The two teachers don’t see the students before Ebony chains up Lupin. She asks where Voldemort is but they are joined by Satan and Vampire before he can answer. Ebony then makes-out and undresses Draco before they all have an orgy and partake in torturing Lupin. Suddenly a big black car drives through the window. It was Snape. He declares that Ebony must die for she will kill Voldemort. Draco also confesses that Snape raped him. Everyone but Satan dresses while Satan turns into Voldemort. Voldemort declares he will kill them all when Willow, Bloody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Dracola, Fred and George, Hargrid, McGonagall, Siruis and Lucian run into the hall.

Voldemort gets on his broom sexily and flies above them all casting a lighting spell that sends the flying car crashing down. Snape threatens Ebony that if she kills Voldemort he will distribute her porno video around the school. Voldemort tells them once again of their impending doom and pulls out a gun. Vampire, Dracola and Diabolo pull put their black guns. Voldemort then grabs Dracola’s wand and makes lighting dance around the room. Dumbledore pleads with Ebony to save them. Ebony- who would rather slit her wrists while watching a movie with friends or do Draco- makes a stand. She passionately yells; “ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” leaving it to the reader to decide her fate.